S7EP9: The Big KA-BAM Theory

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia.

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Ja, it’s true!

WALT: Welcome to my Life is an I T.V. Studios/Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Company

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

The Warden

FaeriePrincess

Professor Siggy Chong

Sparky Wentz-eclaus

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop, and Craze (may they R.I.P.)

The Messengers of The Galactic Federation

Looch

The Bassett Hound

Bert-On

The Baker of the Cornbread

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Zason

St. Diane & You (3)

Brother John

Spooky Queen

Boom-Boom Snuffbox

The Nameless One

Tim-Bo

The Cousins

The Rox

PDT

Sir Richard Slouch

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

The Village of Idiots

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Chicken Witch

Dick Pointer

Soup, the Son

The Legendary Pink Elephants

Baby-Mama Rabbit

Wisconsin Belle

The Babes

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, September 25, Two-Thousand and Twenty-New. Time...Alluding

Theme – Once Upon Ago

This has been a Theme for some time. It was almost a post title at one point. It started back around Beltane. I had gotten a reading and there was an emphasis on how things were – who I was – way back in the beginning. There was a stress on returning to that state of being. Since then, I have caught many glimpses of what once was and how things have changed [and why.] I do want to get back to how things were Once Upon Ago.

Lesson – Shhhh! [Or, Be Here Now]

For as many times as this comes up, I would like to think I get it. But apparently not. The Professor once said that my posts can get a bit wordy. If you know me, then you know I talk a lot. Very often more than I would like to. If you think all of that is bad, you should be in my head. It is a constant 24/7 dialogue with myself. I am always looking at my day, my week, my tomorrow. I am constantly juggling and managing and manipulating this that or the other. If I am not looking to the future, I am reviewing the past. My mind is never still. It is stillness that I need. I cannot dream properly if my mind is clouded by thought. I cannot properly receive messages and inspiration if my mind is noisy. I walk slowly so that I can see more. Now my mind must slow down so I can experience more.

Observation – Faith and Justice are Both Blind

I’m not sure what the correlation is, but I assume there is one. I was just thinking about how Faith is always blind. That’s sort of the point to it. Faith must be blind so we are not distracted nor confused. I suppose that is the same reason Justice must be blind.

The Post

I was going to title the post “The Big Bang Theory’ but it has been used twice.

WALT: Three times if you count my sexual prowess.

I don’t think so.

WALT: Yeah. Not using your body…Pinky.

Alright!

Anyway, once again, what a very odd week. I’ll see, in a bit, if I can recall it for you. Or, enough of it anyway. The problem is that between the beginning of the week and now there has been an Equinox, a New Moon, and now I am sitting right at the very beginning of Rosh Hashanah.

My brain has been fried. Basically, I cannot remember Wednesday, nor anything before it. I have been high. I have been low. I have been mutilated and mauled. I have been lifted up and inflated. It has been one hell of a ride and I am quite glad to have a moment to just sit and let it process.

But before we can discuss this week we must go back. Back to a different moment – Once upon ago.

Once upon ago, there were many stories told. They whispered of things such as Do What You Love and the Rest Will Follow. They promised a different life, a better life. They prophesied greatness. And, all this, they said, would happen…

SNAP!

KA-BAM!

Just like that. In the blink of an eye.

I can remember once it was said, “One day you will just wake up and life will be different.”

I don’t know, man. I ain’t seen it yet. I have done what I love. [Not nearly enough of it at that.] I have chased after, and touched, so much. Yet, nothing has ever seemed to click. A lot of this was ego. I don’t like it, but I gotta call it what it was. The thing is, it wasn’t all that pompous kind of ego. [There was definitely some of that along the way.] It was really more of the protective kind of ego.

You have to keep in mind that for most of my life I have not been comfortable. The Haze that I have often mentioned is actually caused by me shutting down around people. I feel inadequate. I feel less than. I feel The Fool. In the presence of anyone but myself, I feel like absolutely nothing.

So, when my ego has appeared it has been simply because I have tried to make everything I’ve done the one thing that would make me something.

It was still bad. Inappropriate. Childish. All that.

But, I have done what I love.

I had two incarnations of JustUs Productions. An idea I believe in to this very day. [A cooperative network of artisans and entertainers working together to inspire, enrich and entertain the community through live performance, workshops and public events.]

I became a minister and a healer and reader. Skills that have come in handy more than once.

I crafted – whether it was wood, or glass or garden I crafted.

I chased Spirit around the country. [More than once.]

I was even on the radio for a brief time.

Yet here I am. All of this behind me and [what seems like] nothing before me. All of these skills and moments and experiences and there has been nothing that has set my life right. There hasn’t been that moment when it all comes together, “A-ha!”

The only KA-BAMs I have had were those things that sent me way off course – The Accident, The Cave-In, Leaving Old Geistopia, Jail, Mama leaving and taking the girls with her. Each of these moments changed the course of my life. Each one not only shut my life down but tore apart what was there leaving me very little with which to rebuild. Hell, you can take that all the way back to 2003 and My Favorite Little Red-Headed Whore. [Not anything like what you are thinking. I promise you that. LMAO.]

And, it’s true with each of these moments it was SNAP – in the blink of an eye – Life was very different.

KA-BAM!

It hasn’t all been bad. There have been successes along the way. Even in some of the failures. But, there has never been that so-called incredible life told of once upon ago. One would think that by now I would have given up. I’ve chased so much and all I have managed to do is run out of breath. Very often I think I have quit – given up. Then, I wake up one day to find myself hanging in there just a little bit longer. I re-fan the fires of Faith and Belief and Hope.

But why?

Let’s start with – I have just seen too much in my life. There have been so very many random and odd moments along the way. Things that I know to have been, or can only consider, Divine Intervention. No matter how fucked up things have gotten [or myself] some force in The Universe has always had my back. So many times. No matter how bad it has gotten everything ends up working out and moving on.

Do not Worry About Tomorrow for Tomorrow Shall Take Care of Itself

The Father knows what you need before you do.

Every day The Father feeds the animals of the wild and clothes the flowers of the field. What makes you think you are any less than these?

So, what does all of this have to do with the price of tea in China?

Absolutely nothing.

But, it seems to have an awful lot to do with my week…and my present state of mind.

As I said earlier, I have no recollection of Monday and Tuesday. They have been wiped from the memory banks. Well, I mean, I’m sure there is some trace of them in there somewhere. Much like a hard drive there are always fragments left behind that can be used to rebuild.

I don’t even really recall Wednesday. [Which becomes significant when I realize what Wednesday was.] I realized that I don’t remember it when I looked at my hours tracker and saw that I only worked 1.25 hours on Wednesday…and I don’t know why. I can’t remember it at all. I know I did have a day when I didn’t get one single ding over lunchtime. I mean I think I got one at the very end. I don’t know what the problem was. It just wasn’t happening.

By the time dinner rolled around, I imagine that I was already caught up in the energy of what was coming.

Wednesday was The Day Before Mabon, The Autumn Equinox. But, I would soon learn that this was just the start of a long stretch of spiritual energies. Wednesday to Friday I was caught in Mabon. Today is The New Moon. So, that all started for me yesterday. And, this evening about sundown Rosh Hashanah began.

I am new to the whole Rosh Hashanah/Yom Kippur thing. It all started about four or five years ago. [I know I was still at Olde Geistopia.] So, I can’t really give you the deets, but I’m gonna sum it up the best I can. From what I gather it is The New Year – new cycles, new beginnings. It is a recognition of and [somewhat] celebration of The Creation, which all leads to The Day of Atonement when we purge ourselves of our sins and are given forgiveness for them and receive blessing for the year to come.

That is my best uneducated, take a stab at it, summary, and it is good enough for me.

Obviously, The New Moon is all about newnesss and beginnings. It is the start of Cycles, whereas the Full Moon usually brings closure.

But, one of these things is not like the others…and that is Mabon. Mabon is not the start of things. Instead, it is when we begin to see the end of things. Mabon is The Second Harvest. It is the half-way point to collecting the bounty for the year before the ground freezes and the world dies.

But it is harvest and that is significant.

“But, what does all this mean, Matt?”

I’m taking a moment to recognize and acknowledge these Holi-days because Timing is Everything. Precise & Perfectly Placed.

The time from Wednesday until now is basically a blur. I really cannot tell you much about it. Certainly not in any kind of detail. But, I can tell you that I was caught in a whirlwind of thought. I was stuck between here and Dreamland.

As always, I dreamed of the past. All the bad stuff of course. The hurts, the accusations, the betrayals, the failures, the idiotic choices, the things I’d rather never discuss. But I dreamed deeper this time.

Again, I realized that so much of that stemmed from my feelings of worthlessness. For as long as I can remember I have been chasing adventure and a life worth living. I thought about how my family influenced this. I don’t want this to be a dissertation on them, but they were a large factor. My parents were not bad parents by any stretch of the imagination. There are many worse out there. But they were never really positive or nurturing or engaged. They just had a knack for making me feel like I wasn’t there. Most especially after My Death. They very often let it be known how pathetic and horrible I was.

I dreamed of the person who was allegedly my best friend throughout school. Now, again, I do not want to paint a picture of a terrible relationship. We definitely had our share of good times. But, there are also these moments when you have to wonder if “best friend” is the appropriate term. For instance, I can remember once I was crazy about this one girl. Everyone knew it. She knew it. She just wouldn’t give in. But she wanted to hang out all the time. We were together many nights. Then one night, out of the blue, Encyclopedia tells me that the reason I was not seeing her that night was because she was out with…”my best friend.”

That brought to light other moments that stuck out to me as life happened. For instance, “my best friend” had several parties throughout high school. I might have been invited to one. Might.

So, how could I not feel insignificant and second-rate? My family didn’t like me and “my best friend” couldn’t show me any true respect.

This week I had to rationalize and accept that it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter what they thought or what they did. Their treatment of me has absolutely nothing to do with who I am and I am deserving of better than that from anyone.

Again, as I said, I dreamt much about my flaws and faults and poor choices and idiotic behavior. There is a lot of me in my past that I absolutely loathe. But, again, it matters not because I had to rationalize and accept that in recognizing those moments – that behavior – and in acknowledging how I feel about them…I don’t ever have to be those things ever again. I am free of them.

You Cannot Know the Light Until you Have Walked Through the Darkness.

I dreamed of my dreams.

I have had so many inspirations and aspirations over the years. I’ve even touched some of them such as those listed above. But there are more. There was a book to write and some scripts to bring to life. Once there was a “homeless rehabilitation” program to implement. Spirit has driven me to do so many things. But there are two dreams in particular that have been haunting me of late.

The most recent is a piece of this very project. When WTML began it was actually a live performance piece titled Welcome to my Room. I was just so fascinated by the process of and experience of being and the things I witnessed, the moments that happened as everyone hung out in my room. I began to wonder if I could bring that same vibe and experience to an audience. Stage was my first thought. “Performance Art.” Haha. Unable to know how to make that happen the project eventually took to video and was called Welcome to My Life. Since then, it has been - video, blog, audio blog, back to blog, more video. It has been just about everything except a stage presentation.

I wanna do it. I want to make it happen. I think I can put a sort of “pilot” script together. It would be a tricky thing. It would have to be a bit scripted and a bit spontaneous. It would need to be guided but allow room for the audience to influence the flow. [And be influenced by it.]

Last night I dreamed it. I was out having a cigarette and enjoying the stars in the sky and it happened. First, I could see it. It wouldn’t take much from a production sense. Not the first time around. It wouldn’t require a set, and very few props. Minimalistic but I could make it work. I think 25 carefully selected audience members is a good number for a focus group. I have some people in mind and I would have to fill in the gaps. I want a very diverse group of people. I don’t want them all to be “ra-ra” me either. Quite the opposite. I would want to know what doesn’t work just as much as what does.

Nonetheless, we shall see. I am going to scratch out some talking points and pursue an avenue or two and see what develops.

The other dream that has been haunting me is The Rabbit Hole. It has been for some time now. I just haven’t wanted to speak of it because it is one of those times when it feels like G-d is just teasing me.

I found the place.

For 20+ years I have been looking for the place to put The Rabbit Hole. I have pictured it in all sorts of venues – and have even gone to check a few of them out. None of them was quite right. It might have had a great location with lots of traffic, but it was missing the atmosphere and architecture. It might have looked perfect but not had the space or proper set-up.

Several months ago, a place jumped out at me. It has been there all along and I am certain I had passed it at least a few times before that. But one day it was just like KA-BAM! There it was.

Right off the bat, the architecture is perfect. It sets the proper mood before you even get inside. I know it has enough space and the proper set-up for certain aspects of operation. But it also has the ideal location. Location has been tricky because it requires two things that tend to be in opposition to each other. First you want traffic and accessibility. You can’t get people there if people can’t get there easily. But the whole purpose to The Rabbit Hole is to let you escape all of that. So, the location must feel secluded and separated.

That is precisely what this is. It is legit less than a quarter of a mile off of one of the most heavily traveled roads in The Valley. Just one simple turn [left or right depending on which way you are traveling] and you can barely spit before you are there. Yet, it is situated on this cozy little corner of a street with older homes and farmhouses. It’s so very quaint and country. There is even a corner market. You can’t see the main road from the front step, but it is right there.

It’s almost magickal.

The truth is, I don’t even know if it is actually for sale. I only know that it has been empty for some time. Of course, it’s not like I have the money or the financial backing to do it anyway. But, I tell you this – if The Rabbit Hole is ever to exist, that is where it must be born.

So, I will scratch away once more at a business plan. I’ll see what I can throw together. I’ll seek help refining it and pursuing options, I suppose.

Over the past several days I have dreamed of my time here at The Original Brother John’s. it is all very awkward and odd to me.

I came to a point when I was seeing an increased police presence around my overnight parking areas. I knew I needed to do something different. I tried The Putters’ a night or two but it was not feeling right. I didn’t know what to do. Then, three times in one day, The Voice whispered, “text Brother John.”

All I wanted was to have a place to park overnight. He was very gracious and opened the door to me. It is a generosity that I don’t think I could ever properly thank, let alone repay. The closest I’ve come so far was on Friday.

He needed someone to be at the new house for a contractor. I went in the morning and returned in the afternoon before they left. He wanted to pay me and I told him not to worry about it. I mean, I got to do some work for lunch time and it didn’t set me back that much. Besides, he has done so much already.

As awkward as it is, I know now that I needed to be here. Everything Happens for a Reason – Precise & Perfectly Placed.

First and foremost, I needed it financially. I have just been having some crappy weeks and struggling to get by. Being here has saved my ass because it has saved me quite a bit of money. I have cut my food budget by two-thirds per week. I was budgeting $180-190 every week for food and coffee. Each of the last few weeks I have spent only about $60. [Give or take.]

I realized today though that I needed it for deeper reasons. I was hurting and didn’t realize it. Living in a car certainly does take its toll on all levels of being. I was tightly wound and didn’t have time or space to see it. Being here has given me a chance to relax and refocus. It has given me a chance to get grounded and resituated. I have healed a lot in my time here. I have also had the opportunity to overhaul The Rocket for winter living, as well as reorganize it a bit in an attempt to make it less cramped and more functional all at the same time.

But, the experience has been more than that and that adds to the awkwardness. Being here just feels right. I have always had a connection to this place since the first time I house sat for Brother John. It just feels so comfortable, so familiar. I’ve noticed it even more over the past few weeks. So many moments when it feels like I have been here before, when I have seen it all before.

I cannot explain any of it. All I know is that, for me, the experience is proof positive that [for whatever reason] Right This Moment I am precisely where I need to be.

Of course, I am still dreaming of a home. Being here has really helped me gauge what it would take to be in a home and how it would impact my functioning. It has also reminded me of how much a home can do for me.

I don’t know how I get there. So far, my plan isn’t working. I was going to come back from The Getaway and by this point have some money stashed away towards the Goal of finding a place to rent. I have seen the exact opposite. Not only have I been seeing a gap in the income but I am once again paying off a garage bill [while planning future garage bills.] I don’t know how I get there. And I’m not sitting idle just waiting for a miracle either.

I have been pursuing an application, but it has been a challenging process. I first checked it out the other day. I started the process but didn’t have time to finish it. However, I had to fill out an application before I could save anything. So, I quickly filled in the minimal, including only one entry for work experience. I figured I would go back to it and correct it. So far, it has not given me an option to do so.

Anyway, I get logged back in this morning and make my way through all of the EEO stuff. [I think I got those letters right.] Then it was going to take me to an assessment. That’s when things went awry. I am using my phone’s hotspot for all internet connections. Unfortunately, I have ‘used’ my hotspot for the cycle and, though it is still unlimited, it is running at a slower speed.

I could not get the first page of the assessment to load properly. I refreshed over and over again until finally I had to give up so I could get out on the road. While sitting idle this morning, I tried to log in from my phone’s browser. It took a couple of tries before it happened. I made my way through the assessment. Then it took me to a page that appeared to be attempting to load a video. I couldn’t get that to work, and I have not been able to try since.

Truth is, I’m not even sure it is a job I can do or that is for me. I’m not sure if they will even hire me. At another time in my life, I would have stopped trying by now. There have been way too many snags for this to be the right path. It should never be that hard. Still, I am committed to the dream of a home. So, if this can make the difference between a home and The Rocket I have to at least follow through. If it is not the right thing, it won’t happen.

I have also been looking for and keeping track of some places I have seen for rent during my travels here and there around The Valley.

At the end of all of these dreams, as I began to wake, I felt like giving up. I questioned what I am even trying or hoping for at this point of my life. Then I thought of all the recent whispers of encouragement –“Don’t give up now,” “Hang in there,” “Believe.”

That is when I had the greatest dream of all.

I dreamed of my Faith and why I hold it so dear and trust it so much. It is because of what I said previously. I am always taken care of. This week is a perfect example. I had many off days this week when I just couldn’t get the income to flow. It was a struggle. Still, I managed to keep myself moving with fuel and food and I took care of business paying whatever bills were due.

I really wasn’t sure I was going to be able to pull it off. As of this morning, I needed about $42 to bring myself up to speed. That would cover all of the charges pending on the account as well as one that will come tomorrow. It sounded easy enough.

It would have been, too, except this morning I woke with such a terrible headache. I suppose it is along the lines of a migraine. Whatever it is, it is completely crippling and debilitating. It comes out of nowhere and spreads quickly throughout my body. I can’t see straight. I can’t think. It aches to move. The only thing that helps is to sleep.

That is precisely what I did. I got out on the road and took two deliveries. By the middle of the second one I was wishing I had never accepted it. The discomfort had gotten so bad I could barely concentrate on driving. When I was done, I got myself to a spot to park and I crawled in the back to sleep it off and give myself some Reiki.

I slept for an hour. Typical. I started to sit up and couldn’t quite make it. I laid back down and slept for another hour. Then I sat there in a daze and haze for an hour before I could walk to the bathroom and back. [And if anyone saw me they probably thought I was drunk because I had no balance.] I got back to the car and crawled in the back to sleep for another hour. Once awake it took me two hours before I could think about getting back on the road again.

Now, to be clear, these headaches tend to accompany rain. So, they do subside once the rain has come and gone. [Which it has.] But they also tend to accompany some degree of healing. That’s how I feel Right This Moment. I feel purged and cleansed. I feel like I am ready and able to face whatever comes next.

Nonetheless, after all of that hullabaloo, I finished my week with $12 to spare. The only thing I didn’t manage was to pay the garage this week. Do you know why I didn’t pay them? It’s not because I didn’t have the money – though that is what happened. It’s because, when I got to the garage on Friday morning, I discovered I didn’t have my checkbook with me. I had taken it into the house with other papers and such to sort through.

I didn’t have the checkbook because, if I did, I would have written a check for money that was never going to come. If that’s not Divine Intervention I don’t know what is. G-d had my back.

This is why I have my Faith. This is why I will hang in there just a little bit longer. This is why I will continue to believe.

So, all of these thoughts and dreams and emotions. All of this processing and resolving and healing. And it is all taking place under some very heavy spiritual energies and Holi-days. If that’s not enough Jupiter is riding high in the sky. I went out for a cigarette a bit a go and…

KA-BAM!

It just smacked me in the face from the sky. There it was all bright and shit. Jupiter – the planet of prosperity, abundance and growth.

I have been saying for some time that change is imminent. It is coming. All measures and gauges I have – past and present - point to now.

I do not know what is coming or how it will come. I do not know when it will come. I do not know in which ways it will change my life. All I can say, Fellow Travelers, is do not blink for you might miss it.

KA-BAM!

If you’re not already there, go to the Welcome to my Life Facebook page – WTML. Or the YouTube channel – WelcomeToMyLife08. You can also find me on Facebook under Rev. Matt.

Wherever you are and whenever you are – Like, Comment, and Share – we’re on a Journey and it takes you to get there.

So, without hesitation, for now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC: Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaaand Johnny…

And those guys, saying, “Stay Tuned-In, Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: And Freakishness, Baby.

The Totems & Archetypes

**from Ted Andrews’ Animal Speak**

*Raccoon came to me as roadkill. I was on a delivery and there were two in the road – one on either side. And then again today there was one in the roadkill. 3 times. All roadkill. Generally, I would ‘read’ roadkill as a contrary meaning.*

Raccoon - Dexterity and Disguise

Also study Bear. Diet - vegetables and fruits. Expert at disguise and secrecy. Can teach you how to mask and disguise and transform yourself. Can teach you how to become dexterous in the masks you wear. Can show you how to wear a healing mask or show you the face of what you will become. Holds the knowledge of how to change our faces. Do you need to present a different face to people for greater success? Are you hiding your true self? Are others hiding their true selves? Learning to use masks to put one area of yourself to sleep so that another can be awakened. Will help you develop dexterity in using masks to achieve new and altered states and dimensions. 20 week cycles.

*Hawk is always in. But sometimes, the appearance is significant. I was driving along and thinking about things. Important things, when I caught a glimpse of its underbelly off to my left as it soared in for a landing. I remember thinking it was interesting because I had just been thinking about such and such. The funny part is – right this moment I don’t know what such and such was.*

Hawk - Visionary Power and Guardianship.

Messengers, protectors and visionaries. Visionary power and leading you to your life purpose. There is a message coming. What you eat, you become. Kundalini. Childhood visions are becoming empowered and fulfilled. The ability to soar and glide upon the currents. Great Heights while still keeping your feet on the ground. Attacks by people who won’t understand you - attack your ability to soar. Teaching of higher expression of psychosis and vision. Beauty and harmony in moderation. Lead you to using your creative energy in manifesting your soul purpose. Hope and new ideas. A need to be open to the new or shows ways that you may help teach others to be open to the new. Be observant. Life is sending signals. Careful in expression. Comments and actions will be strong and powerful with the ability to tear and/or kill.

*I saw dolphin on a flag as I was driving. This is one of those that is easy to overlook. But, considering the day I was already having it seemed appropriate to note it.*

Dolphin – (from spiritanimal.info)

The dolphin spirit animal represents harmony and balance. Dolphins are both highly intelligent and closely in tune with their instincts, striking a balance between the two states. Dolphins are also a symbol of protection and of resurrection. Their playful nature is a reminder that everyone needs to approach life with humor and joy. People who identify with the dolphin totem are usually peaceful and gentle, but with a deep inner strength.

*The same can be said of wolf. I saw it on a yard decoration while making a delivery on the same day.*

Wolf - Guardianship, Ritual, Loyalty, and Spirit

Teaches you to know who you are and to develop strength, confidence and surety in that so that you do not have to demonstrate or prove yourself at all. Very expressive with hands, face, posture, or some other manner. How to empower your verbal communications with appropriate key language. Teach the lesson of proper governorship - the balance between authority and democracy. How to use ritual to establish order and harmony in your own life. Helps us to understand that true freedom requires discipline. 22-24 months. Need to make use of all that is available to you. Remind us to not waste, as much as to remind us to keep our spirits alive Great discrimination. Listen to own inner thoughts and words. The intuition will be strong. Learning to trust your own insights and to secure your attachments accordingly. Help you to hear the inner and guard from inappropriate actions. Time to breathe a new life into your life rituals. Find a new path, take a new journey, take control of your life. Do so with harmony and discipline.

*I saw fox on a sign. It’s been becoming more regular and routine these days. So, I have been doing my best to just overlook it when it comes. And, despite the weird week I was having, I was about ready to do just that – except for the next Totem.*

Fox - Feminine Magic of Camouflage, Shapeshifting and Invisibility.

New world opening up. The process of creation is beginning. Guide to enter the Faerie Realm. Unless a male can recognize the magic of the feminine - in himself or others - and learn to use it to Shapeshifting his own life, it will ultimately lead to destruction. The Kundalini, and the freeing of the creative life force. Practicing and using camouflage. Working to blend in with surroundings, to come and go unnoticed, moving silently about without revealing your intentions. Learning to control the aura. Adjust its frequency and intensity so that you harmonize more with others. Levels of energy and fertility. If the focus stays on the creative energies, any sharp turn in the individual’s life will be handled with ease. Fox people have the ability to insulate themselves from anything that may seem cold, especially in relationships. Can appear larger than they are - for personal protection or for making greater impressions. Establish a trotting pace. Ability to move into new directions. Call upon new resources instinctively. Excellent ability to hear what is not being said. The ability to hear spirit. Size people up accurately. Develop the ability to see spirit. Aromatherapy. Awakening of the Kundalini. Higher forms of discrimination and discernment. Capture any prize.

*As I said, I was driving along, I saw fox and just kind of shrugged it off. I shrugged it off and just as I turned the corner a blue jay flew across my path. My mind immediately flashed on to last week’s visit. So, they are both recorded now.*

Blue Jay - Proper Use of Power

It can reflect lessons in using your own power properly. It can also reflect lessons in not allowing yourself to be placed in a position in which power is misused against you. It has the ability to link the heavens and the earth, to access each for greater power. This is a totem that can move between both and tap the primal energies at either level. Higher knowledge that can be used. The main problem will be dabbling in both worlds, rather than becoming a true master of both. Usually have a tremendous amount of ability, but it can be scattered or it is often not developed any more than is necessary to get by. Not unusual to find individuals with the Jay totem being dabblers - especially in the psychic and metaphysical fields. They know a little bit about a lot of things and they use that knowledge sometimes to give the impression that they know more. Wear the crown of true master ship requires dedication, responsibility, and committed development in all things in the physical and spiritual. A reminder to follow through on all things - to not start something and then leave it dangling. A time of greater resourcefulness and adaptability is about to unfold. Going to have ample opportunities to develop and use your abilities. Look for ample time to develop and use your energies to access new levels. Actually a member of the crow family, most crows have no fear. It is because of this the Jay can help you connect to the deepest mysteries of the earth and the greatest of the heavens. This sense of seeking pleasure - often at the expense of others - can reflect an imbalance. Sometimes jay shows up when this is happening in your own life. A tremendous ability for survival with the least amount of effort. They reflect great talent, but that talent must be developed and utilized properly. It indicates that you are moving into a time where you can develop your innate royalty that is within you, or simply be a pretender to the throne. It all depends on you.

*Raven came to me twice. Because it had to. The first time, I was pulling into a parking area, I believe. I noticed this one raven just kind of hanging out in a grassy area. I thought to myself, “My G-d that has got to be the biggest raven I have ever seen.” But I disregarded it as a Totem. I’m not sure why. Nonetheless, today one caught my attention and I thought back on that big raven. Then I concluded that there is no such thing as coincidence so I wrote it down.*

Raven - Magic, Shapeshifting, and Creation.

Bird of birth and death; mysticism and magic. Messenger of the great spiritual realm. Bring forth life and order. Can help you shape shift your life or your being. Knowledge of how to become other ‘animals’ and how to understand their language. Teach how to stir the magic of life without fear. Strong creative life force. Can be used to enter The Void and stir energies to manifest what you most need. Expect Magic. Somewhere in your life, magic is at play. Activates the energy of magic, linking it with your will and your intentions. Teaches how to take that which is unformed and give it the form you desire.

*I was standing under the carport having a cigarette earlier this evening. I was thinking about my week and how I just ‘know’ something is coming. Out of nowhere the cricket started to chirp. As soon as I acknowledged it, he stopped.*

Cricket –[from Spirit-animal.com]

Like the Ladybug and the Dragonfly, Cricket symbolism is a sign of exceptional luck. Furthermore, this spirit animal says that the things that you have been working toward and dreaming about are now possible. Therefore, Cricket meaning directs you to stay open to guidance and messages so that you will know what you have to do. You may be guided to buy a lottery ticket, interview for a new job, or be in the right place at the right time. In other words, Cricket symbolism is letting you know that all things are possible right now. All you have to do is feel that you deserve it! Similar to the Robin and the Whale, people with Cricket totem know how to sing their songs loud and clear! In other words, they love to use the power of their voice to attract what they want in life. These folks also have a gift for finding their way through awkward moments with panache and aplomb. People with this spirit animal are excellent communicators, love to walk their talk and are often vegetarian. In fact, like the Deer totem, they understand the power of music and will usually have a career that uses music as a form of healing.

*I was sitting in, what I will call The Sun Porch, just kind of unwinding at the end of the day. I was watching the traffic go by. I sat there for a while just chilling and zen-ing and having a cup of hot bean juice. It got darker as I sat there. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I see this white fly up under the tree in the neighbor’s yard. I didn’t see what it was. I watched for quite some time and it never reappeared. I’m going with owl. It was too late in the day, too dark, for it to have been anything else flying around. I’m still a little reluctant. But, it was something and it got my attention for a reason…and owl is all I got.

Owl - The Mystery of Magic, Omens, Silent Wisdom, and Vision in the Night

Symbol of the feminine and the night. Ties to fertility and seduction. Bird of magic and darkness, of prophecy and wisdom. Symbolically associated with clairvoyance, astral projection and magic, both black and white. Hints of the light of the sun, alive in the dar of night. Meditation on this alone will reveal much about the magic of Owl within your life. Will be able to see and hear what others are trying to hide. What is not being said. See what is hidden or in the shadows. Detect and pinpoint the subtleties. Unique ability to see into the darkness of others’ souls. And life. Their medicine can extract secrets. If your neck is stiff and inflexible, you are hindering your perceptions to a great degree. Often reflects that you were born very perceptive - with a vision of others that you may or may not have recognized or acknowledged. Unique ability for seeing into the eyes and souls of others. Keep silent and go about your business. Eliminate those aspects that are not beneficial and unhealthy.