The Drawing Board

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia. 

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Ja, it’s true! 

WALT: Welcome to my Life is a Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Company

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

The Warden

FaeriePrincess

Professor Siggy Chong

Sparky Wentz-eclaus

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop, and Craze (may they R.I.P.)

The Messengers of The Galactic Federation

 Looch

BJ & The Bull

Ace

Bert-On

The Baker of the Cornbread

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Wilson

Zason

St. Diane & You (5)

Brother John & Sister Jen

The Bee Man

Spooky Queen

Boom-Boom Snuffbox

The Nameless One

Tim-Bo

The Mayor & The Turkey Man

The Rox

PDT

Sir Richard Slouch

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

The Village of Idiots

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Chicken Witch

Dick Pointer

Soup, the Son

The Legendary Pink Elephants

Baby-Mama Rabbit

Wisconsin Belle

The Babes

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, May 12, Two-Thousand and Twenty-More. Time...Revamping

The Post

I’m back and trying again. I decided that I needed to try this all differently. You will notice, Fellow Travelers, that I actually wrote the post on Monday and it is not about this past week but the previous one instead.

I’m not sure why yet, but I think this is the new “for mat” of things. It will be a bit confusing at first. Every week’s post will be a week ‘behind.’ I figure the mind will eventually adjust and the confusion will fade. It could, however, be a little difficult on me.

It could also be a little easier on my own mind. For instance, this coming week I will write about this past week. It gives me time to process my week and filter out the unnecessary. I don’t know where we are at or where we are going.

You’ll notice, this week, I eliminated The Trinity and Totems. This is not a permanent choice. Just taking baby steps at the moment.

Monday, May 6, 2024; 1614

I have been trying to write for some time now. (There is no try. There is do or do not.)

I have not been writing for some time now.

I just haven’t been able to find the groove. Honestly, it has had me a bit concerned. First, time was a factor. It can take me so long to do a post. If it’s not done in one sitting [or by a Monday] it doesn’t seem to get done. Life moves on…and time with it.

The second issue was content. I was repeating the same stuff over and over each week. Different week. Different flow. Still the same stuff. I didn’t like that. I felt like nothing was really happening in my life.

Now, here we are – several weeks later. [It might even be 2 months.]

I feel in much better space lately. I mean, nothing has really changed. I just feel more comfortable in it all. There have been things shifting. I shouldn’t lie. But we’ll get there.

When I first started the project that has become Welcome to my Life it was because I was fascinated with the process of life. I had had my Death and my epiphany. I wanted to share the magick of living with everyone. It’s true, I did believe it was my calling – which is why I have always been so adamant and determined.

Decades later and what is it really? Has it done anything?

I can no longer say if I believe it is a calling. However, it certainly is a part of me at this point, The mindsets that make up WTML are now eternal. Needless to say, I forever take notice to Totems, There are always some interesting ones.

Yesterday I had fawns playing in my yard. Three of them. As SpookyQueen said, it seemed as though they were playing them there Reindeer Games. I can get my message from that – without looking it up. I’m sure the message will get deeper when I do.

Or, last week, I was driving along thinking about things (as I always do) when a Bald Eagle Flew right at me. I can’t tell you exactly what I was thinking in the moment. But, wherever it was, it was on track. [My thoughts have been a lot of the same lately, so, in general, I am on a right track somewhere.]

There have been plenty of Hawks, My Wren is back, as well as perhaps the Fox.

(The Universe never stops talking.)

After 2 decades my. Mind is programmed to process, even when I am not writing. Whether I am actively working on the project or not, I still pick up on Themes. I still make plenty of Observations. And, what would a day be without a Lesson.

Too Little too Late

Ask & It Is Given

Be Careful What You Wish For

Every Act is an act of Magick

Every Act of Magick Comes with a Price

Just Be

Love & Devotion

Everyone’s Truth Is

Subtleties

This is just a short list of the past several weeks.

The past few months have been…a process.

That’s the best I’ve got. Another issue with the writings. I don’t have words. I have them, but they are brief. They almost require more. But, to many words is just that – too many fucking words.

It’s been a healing process.

It’s been a growing process.

It’s been a painful [and sometimes frightening] process.

First, there was all sorts of life review.

I’ve been a terrible person in my life. Not always by choice. Very often inadvertently. Many times even when I was trying to be a better person. I did many an awful thing along the way. But, I must remember that the key word there is ‘did.’ The operative phrase is that ‘I’ve been.’

However, I’ve also been a very hurt, scared, damaged, beat up and torn down person as well. The whole of my life is the reflection of me being second best, inadequate, a failure…a terrible person.

Try as I might, these seem to be the things I find behind every door and along every path.

Ego played a large part in it all. Not the “I am awesome” ego [well maybe sometimes,] but that other side of Ego. The Ego that just wants to be known – to mater, to do. To be.

But there will be plenty of time to get into such things.

As I said, there have been some shifts. [Nothing is truly ever stagnant.]

The Boy left the house. He and Cuddlebug are going through shifts themselves and they wanted to give each other room to do that. This has made a huge difference for me. One example is that I have my bar room back. This is the hang out room and that is what he did. He hung out down here. All the time.

I need this space [yes, that is where I am at the moment.] It is my chill out, relaxation space. The main floor is all business. It is the business of the house and living and it is where all of my business takes place. My mind needs a place away from all of that. [As does my soul.]

I have decided one of the ways I will enjoy my space is to write from here. It’s got the right vibe to me in the right headspace. The laptop and desk allowed for too many distractions and other things.

I still struggle financially. But I am finding balance with my time. Slowly things are reconciling. This is a wish I made not too long ago. It all still needs a bit more time but we’ll get there.

At times, I feel as though I am stifled and failing. There is still so much work I want to do around here – so many projects still lingering. But I look back at this time last year. I was struggling and out of balance. I was having a hard time with money and I somehow still wasn’t able to get stuff done around here. For a while that was because I lacked the tools or materials.

I feel like I am in the same place as last year, but I am not. I am settled into The Homestead and my routine. Last year I was not. Every room is fully furnished and functional. Last year it was all still coming together.

Year 2 of a 3 Year Plan.

shrugs

My habits and routines are changing slightly. I am getting back to a point where I am always doing a little something. I had fallen into a rut and routine of not staying productive. I would let things slide. This developed over a long time. It wasn’t something that just happened here at Nu Geistopia.

It started at Olde Geistopia. So much of my productivity was limited there. I would manage fine for a while and then start to give up. That cycle would repeat. 4 years of homelessness had an impact as well. I had very little to do for there was nothing I could do – except what I was doing.

But, I’ve been shaking those habits and moving on to what used to be. I do little bits at a time until I can commit a chunk of time to a project. I’ve actually gotten quite a bit done in the past few weeks.

The season has something to do with that. The fact that the sun is up longer each day helps. It motivates me more. Always has.

Part of my changes have been spawned by 2 audio books. I had a trial subscription to a service for a bit and then extended it a few months at 50% off. [I have since cancelled it.] Anyway, I ended up with 5 books. The first 2 were have been rather intense. One is on obey. I think it is titled You are Badass at Making Money. The other is a book on self-discipline.

I had listened to them in the car while I was working. I have not gotten far in either. I could literally feel them reworking my mind. It got so bad at times that I had to turn them off or pull over in order to let my mind come back to where it needed to be. Rather than overstimulate the process, I decided to stop listening for a bit and let the workings do their thing. Here, I am several weeks later and I can say there has been a change.

Time to get back to them. [As well as the other 3 that I now have.]

All of this – the productivity, the use of the bar room, the self-reflection -  has been aiding in my biggest shift.

I have been battling an addiction.

I am an addictive person by nature. Some of my addictions – like coffee and cigarettes – don’t phase me. Whatever. I mean, they’re the 2 addictions you’re allowed in Rehab. [They practically promote them.] So how bad can they really be?

Others, such as alcohol, come and go. I have quite drinking several times in my life. Eventually, I come back to it and it always seems to spiral out of control again. The last spiral was longer and steeper than I had realized. Nonetheless, I currently have it [mostly] need control. I still drink. I just don’t ever let myself drink like I used to. Always in moderation. And if there is not going to be moderation for some reason than I am at home and alone where I can stay out of trouble. [It’s also planned and not spontaneity’s like it used to be.]

Also, my Ego has nothing left to prove in that arena...and no one to prove it to anyway.

However, this addiction has been different. It has been subtler and more secretive. Easy to hide which made it easy to ignore. This probably made it the most dangerous of my addictions. The solitude of it allowed it to drag me down a very dark hole.

Nonetheless, I am free of it…currently. I have not engaged in this addiction in at least 3 weeks. That may sound like nothing, but it truly is a big step. A large part of it has been no desire. I don’t know what spawned that so suddenly. I have prayed for that for many years.

Self-reflection was certainly a part of this. The thing with this addiction [as with all in my opinion] is that it wasn’t the disease, per se. It was the symptom, the result of dis-eases such as depression and feelings of worthlessness, traumas experienced. The addiction became a way to perpetuate these feelings.

I’ve always felt out of place – less than. I find that I experience life differently than most folks I know. This has been both a blessing and a curse. Despite any wisdom gained, there is still a certain naivety about me. An almost innocence. [Too innocent.]

I have very often been treated as if I was out of place – or less than. Even by people I considered close friends. None of this really matters at this point. For me, it serves more as an observation of the state of human consciousness rather than make a statement about any particular person or thing.

These things are not worth delving into. [At least not at the moment. Perhaps sometime in the future.] However, they do set the foundation for the rest of My Life.

I lost myself along the way. I don’t know when or where it happened. I feel as though it has been a process over the whole of my life – only culminating in the these past few years. Leavening Olde Geistopia the way that I did turned out to be the best thing for me. But, it was also the most damaging.

It led me to be lost.

I’ve been dealing a lot lately with religion and spirituality and G-d and the gods and Jesus and the Christ and all sorts of things. I don’t find any of this to be coincidental. And yet, it changes nothing.

I still think life is an adventure – fill of magick in every moment.

I still want people to be inspired towards the best they can experience.

I don’t know if I can play a part in any of that anymore. Perhaps my time has passed. This has been the struggle with writing and one of the struggles with videos. I’m not sure they matter anymore. I’m not sure people care.

But then I think of a conversation with Piz in which I reminded hi that we don’t create for other people [we don’t even create for ourselves.] We create for the creation.

Our only job is to breathe life into the inspiration we have been given. After that, it matters not what happens. Short-lived. Unseen, unknown. Unappreciated. Even criticized. (Or, perhaps, praised.) It matters not. The creation was given life and that is all that matters.

The title of this post is with purpose.

I have taken a step back. I’m not sure yet how that has changed me or this project. So, I am going to start again – slowly. I am going to see if it can all find the same groove it once had. The only way to do that is scratch it all and head…

Back to the drawing board.

I do not know when I will post again. But I do plan on posting again. For now, I have been out this for a few hours. I am getting restless and anxious to do other things. This was my GOAL for the day and it is now done. [Or as done as it can currently get.]

If you’re not already there, go to the Welcome to my Life Facebook page – WTML. Or the YouTube channel – WelcomeToMyLife08. You can also find me on Facebook under Rev. Matt.

Wherever you are and whenever you are – Like, Comment, and Share – we’re on a Journey and it takes you to get there.

So, without hesitation, for now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC:  Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaaand Johnny…

And those guys, saying, “Stay Tuned-In, Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: And Freakishness, Baby.