S12EP6: The Yultide Quest: Do You Hear What I Hear

Hey, gang! Welcome to my life – where anything is possible and nothing is as it seems. I’m Freedom and I’ll be your host, coming at you from within the depths of Geistopia. 

DOC: Velcum To My Life ees a prochect, un experiment in Life unt ART. A living storyboard, if you will. Its premise ees zat life ees experiential, unt zat you can, unt do, experience ze life you choose. It ees based on Ze Veel of Life unt Ze ARTs for Ze New Millennium as life building tools. Ja, it’s true! 

WALT: Welcome to my Life is a Geist…House Players Production, in association with the Center for Creative Inspirationalism. JustUs Productions, the parent company, would like to give a ‘Shout-Out’ to the following for their ongoing, and oft-times unknowing, inspiration and support:

Princess Cuddlebug

Princess Sunshine

Company

The Shaman

The Pillar

F’n Bob

The Entire Putt-Putt-Putter Clan

The Warden

FaeriePrincess

Professor Siggy Chong

Sparky Wentz-eclaus

The VanMan and General Ralph Glossop, and Craze (may they R.I.P.)

The Messengers of The Galactic Federation

 Looch

Ace

BJ & The Bull

Bert-On

The Baker of the Cornbread

Andy Pandy

The Mudder

Zason

St. Diane & You (4)

Brother John & Sister Jen

The Bee Man

Spooky Queen

Boom-Boom Snuffbox

The Nameless One

Tim-Bo

The Cousins

The Rox

PDT

Sir Richard Slouch

The Wix-ians

The Socialite

The Village of Idiots

Piz-Niffer

Dancing Queen

Downtown Encyclopedia Brown

Chicken Witch

Dick Pointer

Soup, the Son

The Legendary Pink Elephants

Baby-Mama Rabbit

Wisconsin Belle

The Babes

Aaaand, of course, a very generous sponsor who (not-so-much) wishes to remain anonymous.

It is…Sunday, December 17, Two-Thousand and Twenty-Free. Time...???

I am having a hard time focusing lately. I cannot pick out a Trinity this week. My head has just been too clouded with worry and calculation. So, there will be no Trinity this week. My apologies, Fellow Travelers.

The Post

Sunday, December 17, 2023; 1535

The end of another week.

I can’t quite explain it but I feel like I have come through the worst of it for a while. This is curious because the worst of it [to me] seems to be the week ahead of me. As far as I can tell, I am going to struggle through the week and only hopefully get my 2 major bills paid.

Nonetheless, I feel as though some sort of weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

I went out this morning and made the minimal amount I needed to make to balance out this week. Then I hit the stores and headed home. [Mostly cause I had to go to the bathroom.] I feel accomplished in my day.

The plan for tonight is simple. I have things to do and I want to get them done. I have laundry, and some cleaning up and I want to mix the last batch of cookie dough. On Cuddlebug’s input I might even bake some of the cookies so we have less to do tomorrow. Of course, finishing this post is on the list.

My stomach has not been feeling well for the last several days. I am hoping that it is just a purging and cleansing kind of thing.

Well, anyway, the kids are gone and the house is mine. I need a few moments to just kinda chill and get my groove. I still have the Trinity for this week and I don’t know if I can lay claim to any Totems.

0547

Oh. I don’t even know.

deep sigh

So, Ace contacted me yesterday. He wanted to meet up for a few drinks. Of course, the timing couldn’t have been worse. Right? So what does one do?

I did meet up with him and I don’t regret it. It just took me off the road for dinner. But as I said to both him and Cuddlebug – How many times can I not see my friends because I always have to work?

As for my finances…well. That’s sucking. I can make the rent payment this week but it is going to use almost all of what I have for car insurance. So I will have to make that back before Saturday as well as all my little bills and groceries and gas. Then I have to figure out how to deal with rent by Sunday.

It’s just so frustrating. One week out from Christmas and I am in the complete opposite end of the spectrum from where I wanted to be. Not only can I not afford to be doing anything for Christmas, I can’t afford my weeks. It just keeps getting worse week by week lately. It’s hard for me to believe that 2 weeks ago today I had a record breaking day - $253. Today I can’t even imagine getting the groceries I need.

I am doing my best to not give in to it all too much. If I continue to focus on it and worry and stress, I will only make it worse. What You Feed Energy into Grows.

Where I have myself at the moment is basically the plan above. If I can pay rent this week and get my groceries for Christmas dinner then I will just fake it from there.

I have one hopeful trick up my sleeve. We shall see. It will be a bust. It will do very little. Or, it will make a difference. I suppose this is why Barachiel.

In the meantime, after crunching numbers – I have rent, gas, the Mechanic’s payment and groceries. After today’s run I should be able to cover some of the minor bills for the week. This leaves all the big ones. Too much to do all of them. to do all of them I would have to have a better week than I think is even possible. I’d have to do $223 each day for 6 days. I am saying 6 because I need to take the evening off tomorrow to do cookies with Cuddlebug and I need to take the evening of Christmas eve off. So – 2 half days.

All I want to do now is survive the next 2 weeks.

Saturday, December 16, 2023; 0602

Ugh.

It’s like the days are just getting worse. Yesterday I didn’t break $100. Part of this was Wally World. I keep giving them chances because the money offered is too good to turn away. But then I go and I sit and I sit and never see my orders.

Once yesterday I sat for an hour. I had it calculated that I could sit that long and still have it be worthwhile in the end. But no longer. Also, that hour was 1030-1130. Not a bad time to sit waiting for money. But the orders didn’t come and it was the start of lunch, so I canceled them on my end. Then later in the day, after lunch, I took another one. This time I sat for two hours. Actually I think I have this backwards. I think the first time one of those orders cancelled and so I cancelled the other one. This time I cancelled. It was now the beginning of dinner.

The other problem is that lunch and especially dinner were very slow. I am assuming that both apps took on more drivers in anticipation of the holiday week. Also, I think people are being a lil cheaper this week. [Because of the upcoming holidays.]

The situation is bad (ish.) I can survive for the moment but I will be doing so with the car insurance money.

I don’t know what is happening right now or why. Everything has gone in the exact opposite direction of what I have been praying for. I’m hoping this is an illusion. Perhaps a test of my Faith.

Here is my current quandary for the day. Well, several of them.

First, I don’t know if I can make the money I really need to make. This has been the issue all week. The day’s seem like they are going to go alright and then they tank. This has me stressed going into the day. In fact, I’m currently stalling because I just have no interest in doing this again today.

Second, I am out of my CBD. I really noticed it last night when I was feeling so stressed. On one hand, I feel as though maybe I should just let it ride and not get any. Struggle through my days without it. A break might be nice. On the other hand, it does help relax me and I need to relax. I am just so stressed at the moment. Of course, the irony of it all [I think that’s the word] is that most of my stress is financial and, though it is very minimal, the CBD is money that I don’t actually have to spend.

At this point, I have been back and forth on the matter. I don’t know what I am going to do. It may be nice to take the break and try to find my zen without it. But, that ritual act of smoking, is all I really have for joy and peace in my life. I feel like I’m working all the time and have no money to show for it. I don’t eat out – not even fast food except for like once every 6 weeks when I need something different. I don’t go to movies or shows or festivals or events. I didn’t take my beach trip this year. I haven’t even done a day trip this year.

I don’t really have time [or money] for hobbies or interests. I don’t have [nor will I] a relationship.

I don’t even have decent time with my daughters which was really the only reason I wanted a home at all.

In fact, I don’t even have time to continue writing. I need to put myself together and get out on the road. There is one more thing I would like t jot down at the moment but its too many words for now. [I really do need to get moving.] So all I will say for now is…

Barachiel.

Thursday, December 14, 2023; 0613

I just realized that I lost a day. When I made notes yesterday, I marked the day as Tuesday. It was not. [I’ve fixed it now.]

Anyway, I got all of the dough mixed – for now. I might do one more batch of chocolate chip with some walnuts in.

My head is just spinning with so many thoughts and worries. As I keep saying my financial situation is tough at the moment. I’m keeping [most] of the important things together. But just barely. Honestly, I’m not sure how long I can go before another collapse.

If it weren’t for the Holi-days, I wouldn’t stress so much. The Holi-Days are just costing me extra money (not a lot) but also having me take extra and random time off in order to be ready.

We shall see.

For the time being I am just trying to take it all day by day, moment by moment. Each as it Comes.

Anyway, I have to get to cleaning up this mornings dough mixing mess and get myself out on the road.

deep releasing sigh

Wednesday, December 13, 2023; 2139

Again, it is a bit later. This break was dinner with Cuddlebug, mixing the next batch of cookie dough [caramel nut slices this time] and working with Cuddlebug a bit. I am now thoroughly convinced that today was about my daughter.

Cuddlebug is sort of a walking irony. [I think that is the word.] She has a dis-ease within her that does not do well with stress. Basically, her systems start to shut down. The thing is – she is always overly stressed. Tonight she came home like a hurricane. She was just pissed and arrrrgh! Apparently they kept her mad extra long at her new job and she was tired and hungry and The Boy had been waiting in the parking lot for her and he was hungry and this and that. So she comes through the door all…just all.

Then she gets in here and everything is going wrong for her, making it all worse. I stayed calm and level headed and did my best to get her through each moment without becoming another stressor for her. Eventually we would have dinner and chat and relax.

After we were settled I chuckled a bit.

“What?”

I said, “Ya know honey, you are a beautiful soul. You really, really are. But when you get stressed you are a fuckin crazy bitch.” Chuckling playfully as I said it.

“I know.”

Then we mixed the next batch of dough.

Now, I am waiting for stuff to dry a bit and then I am going to try to mix up the last of it. [Even though I really wanna go to bed.]

I may actually go to bed and mix the cookies in the morning. I still need just a little time to myself to relax my body and unwind.

My day was crap financially…and finances are my forever my foe. Still, I am not upset about it. I am grateful for it. The shift in my day gave me the opportunity to do something much more important than any amount of money I could have made.

I got to help my daughter start healing.

1953

It’s a bit later now. I wanted to prep for the next round of Christmas cookie dough.

Anyway, so one app has offers coming in but nothing good. There are no Wally World gigs happening [and perhaps not tomorrow either.] The other app is giving me nothing at all. I received [and took] one offer from them.

I made it until 1200-1230 sometime. At that point I was just done. I accepted that this was not a day to work. I keep saying that I can’t afford time off, yet somehow, The Universe always manages to force me into a day “off.” I decided to hit Wally World for my own groceries and then head back to The Homestead to start working on cookie dough.

From there it has just been a slow moving day. I’ve been doing my thing but it’s been at a snail’s pace. One batch of dough is complete. That was the important batch. Big ‘D’ is fairly famous for her cut-out cookies. This is no exaggeration. At one point in history, she was shipping them as far as California. Everyone tries to re-create these cookies. To date, of all the folks who have attempted, only Mama Rabbit has come close enough to be deemed worthy. [And that’s not easy for me to say.]

Anyway, this is my first official Christmas in a home. My first year to make my own attempt. This was a very focused endeavor. [And that’s not easy for me to say either.] During the process, I ended up talking with Big ‘D’ and Boom-Dee-Aye. Fear not, Fellow Travelers, I did not reach out for advice. In fact, Big ‘D’ was returning my call from Wally World when I wanted to know if she used salted or unsalted butter. [I chose unsalted. I was incorrect.]

Anyway, we chatted a bit about my mixture. My only real question was if the consistency [and pull] of the dough would change after being refrigerated. I had already tasted it. Mom actually gave me some leftover balls of dough from her own baking. So I had a bit of mine and then chased it with hers.

I’ll be honest. Mine is not perfect. There is something just slightly off. But, it came pretty damn close for a first try. However, based on pictures of the dough balls, mom thinks my consistency may just be perfect.

1751

The Universe likes to challenge me, test me, push my limits.

Or, at least, that is what I tell myself to keep from losing my shit.

Everything Happens for a Reason – Precise & Perfectly Placed

It is easy to question that at times. I’m struggling so much lately but I just keep on going. Today was no exception. I was starting my day later because I wanted to stop at The Mechanic first. The Rocket is acting up again. What was fixed this last time definitely needed to be fixed. Of that I am certain. But, apparently, it was not the whole of the problem. Sometimes I worry that she is just going to cut out. Nonetheless, I need to get her at least into next week when the main mechanic returns from his break.

This delayed start wouldn’t have been so bad, however, Cuddlebug and I had another of our [as she would call them] incidents this morning. It started over a conversation about oil deliveries. We are getting real close to needing another one. I’d like to see one next week. Unfortunately, I have no money to put towards it. [If I’m being honest with myself and realistic with you, Fellow Travelers, I have less than no money and that is much of my struggle at the moment.] This puts the burden on them. This is not a surprise to them. But it is a stress for them, especially her.

This all led to a blow up. It was bad. I was at my last straw. This all led to a conversation. The conversation was long overdue. I don’t know that we actually “fixed” anything but we at least vented the pressure and that was more important – especially in Geistopia.

The poor girl is just feeling the pressure of her life changes – college, not living at her moms, the bf, financial responsibilities. I told her long before she graduated that it was going to be a lot of big changes at once. Now she’s realizing that I wasn’t just saying that.

So it took some time before we ironed all of that out and got everyone back to where they needed to be. Then off to The Mechanic. The Rocket gave me no trouble on the way there. The report at The Mechanic was pretty much what I expected. It’s gonna be a thing and we’re gonna have to figure it out. Of course, The Rocket acted up after I left.

I went and parked. I had a big day ahead of me financially. I’m not even trying to catch up at the moment. I’m trying to keep up. So I needed this day.

I didn’t have it.

I got some orders on the one app throughout the morning but not a one of them went much over $4. I don’t start my car for less than $5. It is generally not worth the effort or the gas. This is my rule every day. Those fare rates never changed through all of lunch. There were no Wally World orders today. I found out later that they had shut it down for the day to get caught up.

Monday, December 11, 2023; 2136

Damn what a day. I felt good when I started out. I knew I had a challenge ahead of me, but at least I wasn’t starting the week trying to pay off last week. Still, I had quite a chunk of money to make in order to keep the week balanced.

Unfortunately, I did not make it.

I gave it my best. I thought for sure, at times, that I was going to get there. In fact, at the end, I thought I was going to far exceed it. It’s the Wally World gigs. They are a catch 22. When run smoothly, as they should – or even a slight delay – they can be a good amount of money in a short [enough] amount of time. But, when they are all screwed up on their end it becomes wasted time and wasted money. Neither of which can be made up.

That’s what happened today.

Twice.

I lost a total of like 4 ½ work hours today. First a two hour window as I sat waiting for orders that totaled $60. I called the App service to tell them I had waited so long. They had me cancel the orders and gave me a whole $5.

I lost precious time over the afternoon. I could have used it to close the gap slightly. I wouldn’t have made $60 but I could have made something. When I left, I ran a couple of pre-dinner shift orders and then another Wally World came through. This time it was 3 deliveries for $105. That was exactly what I needed.

This time I sat so long that the customers actually cancelled…and I got nothing for it. By then, dinner was completely over and I had been out on the road for 12 hours.

I have my first phone bill due tomorrow. Also, the check to the mechanic will be clearing the system tomorrow. The money was there, but the phone payment is high this time around and might come in first. I was doing my best to make sure it was there.

I mean, my plan included needing to make some of it tomorrow. I never thought I could make all of it today. [Though that $105] would have done just that as well as left me with money for gas.

My issue for tomorrow is that I need all the money before I can actually make it. For instance, I need to make at least $100 before I can even think about getting gas. I don’t know if I can do that. It all depends on the day and the orders.

I reverted to a back up plan. I have funds on hold. They are not mine and not for me [directly.] But I moved them to my account already. [They do have an intended purpose but not for several days.] I’m not using the money to cover any bills or payments. I am only using it to buffer myself and avoid negatives or an empty tank. I have it all figured out – how much I need to make tomorrow and each day after. The total for each day is not unreasonable. Not at all. In fact it should be very doable. [Of course I will double (and triple) check that just to be sure.

Anyway, it is getting later. I still have The Trinity to finish from last week. I haven’t really been able to make a mental note of anything lately. It seems as though there has been so much frenzy since All Hallow’s Eve.

If you’re not already there, go to the Welcome to my Life Facebook page – WTML. Or the YouTube channel – WelcomeToMyLife08. You can also find me on Facebook under Rev. Matt.

Wherever you are and whenever you are – Like, Comment, and Share – we’re on a Journey and it takes you to get there.

So, without hesitation, for now and for always, from here in Geistopia, this is your beloved Rev…

WALT: And Walt…

DOC:  Unt Doc…

JOHNNY: Aaaaand Johnny…

And those guys, saying, “Stay Tuned-In, Fellow Travelers,” and wishing you Peace, Love, Light…

WALT: And Freakishness, Baby.

The Totems & Archetypes

from Ted Andrews’ Animal Speak

Deer – Gentleness and Innocence – Gentle Luring to New Adventures

They have been able to adapt to every sort of habitat. Buddha is often pictured with a deer. Antlers are symbols of antennae, connections to higher forms of attunement. Look for new perceptions and degrees of perceptions to expand for as much as the next five years. Can indicate that there will be opportunities to stimulate gentle new growth increasingly over the next few years. Leads us back to the primal wisdom. A deer’s senses are very acute. Find increasing ability to detect subtle movements and appearances. Begin to hear what may not be said directly. Time to be gentle with yourself and others. A new innocence and freshness is about to be awakened or born. There is going to be a gentle, enticing lure of new adventures. Are you trying to force things? Are others? Are you being too critical and uncaring of yourself? An opportunity to express gentle love that will open new doors to adventure for you.

Fly – [*from trustedpsychicmediums.com*]

 When the fly spirit animal makes its way into your life, this usually serves as a warning that there’s danger lurking somewhere.

It means to catch your attention when you are spending too much of your time with someone or on something that has a destructive influence.

The fly meaning brings to focus to anything that’s causing harm to your life, whether of your own choosing or not. An example of this is giving in to societal pressures and indifference.

Just like the cricket spirit animal, the meaning of the fly also speaks about hate, spite, malice, or blame. It buzzes to be heard and flies overhead annoyingly until you are forced to swat or kill it with anything you can get your hands on.

However, before you dismiss the fly as nothing but bad and undesirable, the fly symbolism also speaks about cures for sicknesses (just like the deer symbolism).

The meaning of the fly also serves as a reminder that you reap what you sow.

What you put out there to the world will come back to you a hundredfold, so make sure that your actions, thoughts, and words come from a place of love and goodness.

The fly spirit animal symbolizes abundance and prosperity during times of adversity.

It sends the message that by being persistent, consistent, and determined even in the face of tragedy will result to victory.

The fly signifies encouragement, because it does a very excellent job of goading you with its presence until you surrender to what it wants and let you be.

It will always fasten on you, arouse you, reproach you, or persuade you, and will not be satisfied until you get on your feet and achieve what you set out to achieve.

Hawk - Visionary Power and Guardianship.

Messengers, protectors and visionaries. Visionary power and leading you to your life purpose. There is a message coming. What you eat, you become. Kundalini. Childhood visions are becoming empowered and fulfilled. The ability to soar and glide upon the currents. Great Heights while still keeping your feet on the ground. Attacks by people who won’t understand you - attack your ability to soar. Teaching of higher expression of psychosis and vision. Beauty and harmony in moderation. Lead you to using your creative energy in manifesting your soul purpose. Hope and new ideas. A need to be open to the new or shows ways that you may help teach others to be open to the new. Be observant. Life is sending signals. Careful in expression. Comments and actions will be strong and powerful with the ability to tear and/or kill. 

Mouse - Attention to Detail. 

It is either time to pay attention to details, or an indication that you cannot see the forest for the trees. You may be getting so locked into details that you forget the big picture. Are you taking care of the trivial, yet necessary, things of life? Are you getting so lost in big dreams that you are neglecting other aspects of your life? Are you becoming so focused on one or two activities that you are neglecting other opportunities? Are you missing what is right in front of you? Is there something obvious that you are missing or need to focus on? Are you trying to do too many things at once and therefore scattering your energies? Mouse can show how to pay attention to detail; how to attain the big things by working on the little things. Lessons associated with attention. 

Owl - The Mystery of Magic, Omens, Silent Wisdom, and Vision in the Night

Symbol of the feminine and the night. Ties to fertility and seduction. Bird of magic and darkness, of prophecy and wisdom. Symbolically associated with clairvoyance, astral projection and magic, both black and white. Hints of the light of the sun, alive in the dark of night. Meditation on this alone will reveal much about the magic of Owl within your life. Will be able to see and hear what others are trying to hide. What is not being said. See what is hidden or in the shadows. Detect and pinpoint the subtleties. Unique ability to see into the darkness of others’ souls. And life. Their medicine can extract secrets. If your neck is stiff and inflexible, you are hindering your perceptions to a great degree. Often reflects that you were born very perceptive - with a vision of others that you may or may not have recognized or acknowledged. Unique ability for seeing into the eyes and souls of others. Keep silent and go about your business. Eliminate those aspects that are not beneficial and unhealthy. 

Raccoon - Dexterity and Disguise

Also study Bear. Diet - vegetables and fruits. Expert at disguise and secrecy. Can teach you how to mask and disguise and transform yourself. Can teach you how to become dexterous in the masks you wear. Can show you how to wear a healing mask or show you the face of what you will become. Holds the knowledge of how to change our faces. Do you need to present a different face to people for greater success? Are you hiding your true self? Are others hiding their true selves? Learning to use masks to put one area of yourself to sleep so that another can be awakened. Will help you develop dexterity in using masks to achieve new and altered states and dimensions. 20 week cycles. 

Raven - Magic, Shapeshifting, and Creation.

Bird of birth and death; mysticism and magic. Messenger of the great spiritual realm. Bring forth life and order. Can help you shape shift your life or your being. Knowledge of how to become other ‘animals’ and how to understand their language. Teach how to stir the magic of life without fear. Strong creative life force. Can be used to enter The Void and stir energies to manifest what you most need. Expect Magic. Somewhere in your life, magic is at play. Activates the energy of magic, linking it with your will and your intentions. Teaches how to take that which is unformed and give it the form you desire. 

Penguin - Lucid Dreaming and Astral Projection

Reflects an awakening of dream consciousness. Expect to experience lucid dreams. As you change the dream state you also change the same energies that are playing upon you in your own waking life as well. The ability to leave the body. How to consciously go out of the body. Expert at slipping in and out of the body - in full consciousness. Feminine, birth-giving energies. Reflects a greater assertion and expression of that within your life. Very likely to be a two-month period in which you nurture, protect and help hatch your creative energies. Greater awakening in dreams, altered states and creation.

Eagle - Illumination of Spirit, Healing, and Creation. 

Balance of being of the Earth, but not in it. The soul, the spirit, and warmth of life. The resurrection. Punishment and reward. Greater sight and perception. Reflects an awakening ability or the need to learn to walk between worlds. Heroic nobility and divine spirit. The rediscovery of the inner child. Alchemy. Involvement with creativity. A willingness to experience extremes in a controlled condition. A willingness to use your passions to purify and to use your abilities, even if you get scorched a little in the process. The need to stay connected to and use things of the Earth. Important to know when to speak, how much, how strongly. New vision will open. The ability to hear - spiritually and physically - may also increase. Cooperative responsibility. A healing role. Opportunities (even those thought long lost) will arise - learn to see and snatch them up. A new sense of timing and movement will begin to develop Primal force inherent and easily awakened. Take on the responsibility and the power of becoming so much more than you now appear to be. Events will now fly faster, repercussions for everything you think, do and say (or fail to) - positive and negative - will be both stronger and quicker. A powerful new dimension to life and a heightened responsibility for your spiritual growth. Touch all of life with healing and become the mediator and the bearer of new creative forces within the world.